I Am a Stalking Survivor!

I never thought it would happen to me. And yet….

I worked for a large police department and had police officers all around me. So how could I have attracted a stalker at work? You wouldn’t think that someone that you helped through your job would become obsessed with you and illegally enter your home… TWICE! But that is what happened to me and it can, and does, happen to others.

Stalking is a frightening crime. It is almost impossible to reason with someone who is obsessed with you to the point that they will do whatever it takes to get your attention. That is what happened in my case with my stalker. He was someone that I helped through my job. It was my job at the police department to help others who were victims of crime or who were trying to harden their neighborhoods so they would not become victims of crime. I was a Crime Prevention Specialist and I worked with citizens in a large radius of my town. As part of my job, I would meet with the citizens when they requested my help.

I had one citizen who wanted my help to make his neighborhood safer. Each time I met with him however, my gut was screaming “something is not right.” But I had a job to do and it was not an option at that time to ignore him so I continued to help him create neighborhood watches near his home.

Somewhere during that timeline, he became overtly obsessed with me and tried to take our working relationship to a personal relationship. I was extremely clear that I did not want a personal relationship with him and yet he persisted. His behavior escalated to sending gifts to my home. After that, I reached out to my superiors and expressed my concern. I was allowed to stop taking his calls at work and pass him on to one of the officers to handle.

My lack of attention only escalated his obsession and he showed up at my house while I was there. He illegally entered my home but never spoke to me, only stared at me. I was able to force him out of my house and call the police and he was arrested. He bonded out quickly and within the next two weeks, he returned and again entered my house. However by the second time, I had learned more about stalking and had taken measures to better protect myself. I quickly called the police but due to a blizzard, it took them additional time to arrive, 12 painfully long minutes to be exact! When they finally arrived, my stalker became enraged and combative. He was finally arrested and served 18 months in prison.

All the while this situation was occurring, the stress I was under was taking it’s toll on me. I was afraid to go out but some days I was more afraid to come home for fear he would show up again. I was suspicious of everyone. I started believing he had returned whenever I found anything that was out of it’s supposed place. And yes, I had police around me but the couldn’t protect me 24/7 and this stress was negatively impacting my life. The paranoia was awful!

Once he went to prison, I felt relieved but I had work to do on myself to overcome those feelings of fear and paranoia. He did a number to my head and the longer I stayed scared, the longer he had control over me. I worked on myself to reestablish the confident and secure person I was before this situation occurred. And, I vowed to help others in the same situation. That is why I have Victim Coaching on my website. Stalking changes you and typically not for the better. But you don’t have to stay living in fear.

Here is a link to a Stalking Podcast I did about my stalking case. Hopefully you will find it helpful. There are more details of my case in the podcast that I didn’t get into here. I talk about tips to help prove your case if it goes to court along with other tips. Stalking is a serious problem and it is a serious crime. Take action to protect yourself. You can take back control of your life. It’s not easy but it is worth it. If you know someone who is a victim of stalking, or you yourself are a victim, please reach out. I can help. It will take work but you can feel safe again. I know because I did it too!