My Lesson for Today

As a Life Coach I enjoy helping people discover the answers to their problems. Together we look at the circumstances in their life and discuss what’s working for them and what’s not working for them. From there we are able to develop plans and goals to get them to the place they want to be. If a client decides they don’t want to do the work, then I accept that they are not ready for change yet. And because I don’t have relationship ties to them, I am not burdened with emotional feelings about their choices. However, when the client isn’t a client but a friend, it gets way more cloudy and challenging to manage my own emotional feelings.

I have a friend that is dealing with difficulties in her life. Most of these difficulties are from lack of setting healthy boundaries, not knowing how to say no and allowing others to take advantage of her. She is a friend and she has come to me for help. I have talked to her about setting healthy boundaries and taking back her power. She agrees that needs to be done. Together we work on some ways for her to implement boundaries and start getting her life back. But… she continues to stay in the same place doing the same things. And it frustrates me because I have emotional ties to her. So what does that say about me?

I think when I look at how I feel about the situation, it provides me another chance to improve my perceived need for control. I thought I had dumped the need for control years ago but here comes the lesson once more.

It is really hard not to get frustrated with someone who knows they need to change and does nothing to change. It is frustrating to feel you are wasting your time with them because they “don’t listen.” But it shouldn’t be frustrating and once again I am reminded I have no control over anyone but myself. I am working to change my feelings of frustration to having a better understanding that sometimes we have to go through our own fires to finally make change for the better. And sometimes, people are going to stay in the fire no matter how many buckets of water you give them. While it’s hard to watch someone as they go through the fire, it’s equally as hard to let go of the need to change them. I will be here if she needs me, but until then I am working on letting the situation be hers and not mine.

As I tell her how healthy it is to set boundaries, the universe is telling me the same thing. It is definitely a hard lesson to implement at times, but a lesson that is of great value to all of us. Thanks universe for the reminder!